"All the Afternoons in the World"

There's something about packing up, or maybe just the end of the year, that's a little ... sad. Someone just came by and bought my couch & coffeetables, and while that's totally awesome, it was also kind of strange to watch this girl come in, try them out, look bright-eyed at her boyfriend and murmur that they would fit the "new place." She had that "I'm doing something new and starting fresh and it's exciting!" look, and it just reminded me of when I first came to this city. Even though I was scared shitless and already had (presciently) bad feelings about my job, still the whole of New York (which is the world) was laid open before me like a new book, all white sheets and clean edges and possibilities. Now it is five years on and it is somehow different. I will be leaving in six or seven or eight months, and I am downsizing, compressing my life into fewer boxes, ridding myself of kitchen implements and toasters and pretty but useless things I've not worn in years. I am preparing to move somewhere that I like and that I think will be fine, but it is still someone else's home, and in six or seven or eight months I will be doing the packing-compressing-ridding whirl again, and loading my suitcases into some rented van and taking the BQE out of the city for good. And even if I come back to this city someday, even to live, I do not think I will ever have the look that girl had on her face again. Well. I'm glad that my little sofa and coffee tables and pillows and pictures are going to start fresh somewhere else.

Something to be excited about?

There's a post up on Jez right now about how this one woman was trying to find some kids' books that teach feminist gender-roles for her two little kids, and how basically the books that she found that are expressly meant for that purpose were horribly boring and not kid-friendly. The post itself isn't all that (the message is: you can't teach kids any messages at all if the material sucks, so just focus on finding books with cool heroines instead of indoctrination), but the comments below are full of these awesome book suggestions from Jez readers. I realized that one thing I'm REALLY looking forward to for having kids of my own is ... inculcating a love of reading in them!! I started thinking about books I want my little girls to know and love: The Little House on the Prairie series (my heart for this is well-documented) The Harry Potter series (likewise) The Enchanted Forest series (featuring as main characters a sassy princess who has no interest in the usual princessy things, and a female dragon who ends up ruling the kingdom) The Hero & the Crown The Blue Sword A Wrinkle in Time (Meg! Glasses! Nerdy! Saves the world!) Mrs Frisby and the Rats of NIMH The Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E Frankweiler (Claudia was just cool) The Anne of Green Gables series (they are old and can seem stiff, but Anne has some awesome moments and she's so spunky and smart) Matilda (she can move things with her MIND, though Ms Honeywell is a bit of a Mary Sue) My Side of the Mountain (OK, this has a male lead, but it's basically gender-neutral because it's all about this kid surviving in the wild and making acorn flour, etc) Jacob Have I Loved Summer of My German Soldier Tuck Everlasting Bridge to Terebithia Julie of the Wolves (Oh yeah! Here's a wilderness-survival story that features a girl! Julie is so badass in this) The Taran Wanderer/Pig-Keeper series (Eilonwy can be a bit of a wash sometimes, but she puts Taran and a number of other people in their places when they try to tell her what she should or shouldn't be feeling/doing ... and I like that she IS girly and princessy, because that's OK too) Black Unicorn by Tanith Lee This is a strangely cobbled-together and very incomplete list (the age groups are all over and some of these are way stronger than others), but I really loved some of these books and I still have super-vivid memories of them (I can recall specific passages from some). The Jez commenters also seemed to have some cool suggestions for books for really young girls (The Paperbag Princess, Jane and the Dragon) that made me even excited for having little ones. AND there are some pretty great comments about the idea of helping children learn about feminism/equality: "You know what I just realized was more important than reading all of these great books as a kid? Having a dad that read them with me. He made the protaganists relevant to my life and instilled the belief in me from a young age that I could and should attempt to conquer anything I desired." Yes! This will be a requirement, Future Husband. You will help our daughters and sons learn that they are equally awesome and should feel equally capable of acheiving anything they want to. And then there's this exchange: "HM: I think it's definitely important to seek out books with central female characters, not only for girls, but for boys, so they don't grow up to be the men who think the male viewpoint is universal, and the female viewpoint is niche. Representation matters, even if what the kid articulates about it is "boats" he or she has just enjoyed a book in which being female is a normal thing. P: Yes! And there doesn't even have to be a message (beyond the usual kids stuff – sharing, caring, looking both ways). Just the idea that girls and women are people and the heroes in their own lives." And that made me excited to read this stuff not just to my little girls, but to my little boys! Which is stupid because I should have known better anyway and realized that it's not only the little girls who need to know these things, etc etc etc., and probably those of you who teach for a living are like DUH. But anyway. The gist of this is: I love books. I ... tolerate kids. But I'm really looking forward to encouraging MY kids to love books! I think this is the first thing I've really been enthused about when thinking of having children of my own, haha.

I'm a Craigslist Elitist

Although I have to find an apartment with fairly specific criteria on a fairly low budget in essentially the next 16 days, I am unable to stop myself from being a Craigslist elitist. Here are some things for which I have mentally rejected CL ads in the last few weeks: (Reasonable) 1. Lack of price in listing (... idiots) 2. Unreasonable utilities costs; wrong timeframe; too much $ for too small of a room 3. Super-stringent rules regarding friends and/or overnight company 4. Smoker, or too much perceived 420 enthusiasm 5. The Dude Who Did Not Own a Microwave or TV and Preferred to Keep It That Way (Possibly Reasonable) 6. Saying weird stuff ("your home is your peaceful white castle of sleep," wtf?) 7. Sounds too-OCD about cleaning duties 8. Sounds too desperately in need of a BFF 9. "Strict shower timing observed" (wtf? x2) 10. AD WRITTEN IN ALL CAPS 11. Too much talk about peace, serenity, zen, harmony, spirituality, etc. (Possibly Unreasonable) 12. More than one use of "lol", or ANY use of "lulz" 13. Any use of "keke" 14. Frequent appearances of multiple continuous exclamation points ("!!!!" and "!!!") 15. Lack of punctuation, or use of comma in place of all other punctuation including ellipses ("close to every thing close to everyone,,,,roomfor rent,,, big!!!" <-- shoot me now) 16. Misspelling more than 10% of words in post. Actually, make that 5%. Actually, I just rejected one for spelling December as "dicimber" and ad as "add" so maybe make that 1%. Basically this is a sample of what I'm seeing: $950 - awesome room w awesome roomates in BEST ASTORIA Reply to: housingxxxxx@craigslist.org room 4 $950,,,,internt/tv/elec not included,,,cozy/HUGE ruom 7x8 in 3 bed aprtment starting dicimber 1. looking 4 nice, friendly girl or guy who only uses shower btwn 4-4:15 am,,,,we have 4 cats who love being 420-friendly with us!!!! u must love them to. harmonious place to live w/vegitarians, no meat here lol but wearingleather is ok lol! close to everyone close to everything! great deal wont last!!! if ur interested in this add and R an interesting person call us at 5555555. peace! I might be homeless come January 1, but DO YOU BLAME ME?

Montréal!

I know, I know; it's been ages since I last updated. I'm sorry! I suck! But things have been happening! I mean ... for you guys. Not that much has happened with me. However, I'm at home at my mum's in VA for thanksgiving, and am taking this opportunity to update on Haines' and my Montreal trip, which we took a couple of weekends ago. Montreal! The Europe of North America! Highly recommended, my friends. We drove up on Thursday night after work. It's about a 6-hour trip, but fortunately this wasn't a hardship on me, as I just sat in the passenger seat and looked vacantly around me while Haines did all the driving. (This also sums up much of our relationship. Sorry, babe.) We stayed at ... the W Montreal, aka the Nicest Hotel Ever!! No seriously, the hotel was really nice. Think big flatscreen tv, huge plush chairs with pillows, a 'natural rainfall' shower (which, in French, is something like "douche de pluie," bwahaha I am so immature), Bliss shower products, an incredibly-stocked minibar (including a canister with a "personal oxygen supply" ... what?). Although ... OK, on this trip I realized that I'm much more gauche and country-mouse-ish than I thought I was, because I was all like "ooo they give you a ROBE" and "if I touch this pretty iPod dock, will it break?!" and Haines was like, what is wrong with you. Haha. The one thing about the hotel though, as you'll see below, is that ... uh the shower wall is clear. Like, you can see into the shower from the room if the bathroom lights are turned on. Consequently, any showering action during the weekend happened completely in the dark so that you couldn't see in. Yeah. Just say no to lights. Anyway, we got a super-good deal on the hotel, and resisted the urge to attack the mini-bar. That's not entirely true -- we removed their alcohol & drinks and replaced them with ours to keep cool, haha. I'm a terrible picture-taker, so here's me looking Taiwanese-photo-y (ie washed out) in the lobby on our 1 am arrival, a bad pic of the room, and ... the infamous shower. So on Thursday after we arrived, we drank wine (you can bring 2 bottles per person into Canada from the US) and watched a Kevin Smith Q&A on a dvd we brought, which is to say that we replicated our usual Friday night experience in New Jersey. The next morning, we grabbed a quick breakfast at a random cafe and then headed to the part of Montreal where we knew we'd feel most at home ... Chinatown. Haha. Just kidding. We just happened to wander that way since we weren't exactly sure where things were. Then we went to Notre Dame, the main basilica in the city. It was quite nice. Unlike the Parisian version, and most of the other Roman Catholic cathedrals I've seen, the inside wasn't worked in stone and metals, but mostly in wood and paint. Haines pointed out a strong resemblance between the altar and the Magic Kingdom castle ... which I can't really contest. Later that day we went to the Marche Jean-Talone, a huge farmer's market and one of the highlights of our trip. We bought beautiful, freshly-made pate, fresh bread and cheese, a handful of clementines, delicious salami ... there was so much other fantastic, fresh-looking veggies and other foods, but we just bought picnic-y things. The plan was to go eat them in the Mont Royal park, but due to our lack of a map and/or iPhone coverage, we got a little mixed-up directionally and it got too dark. Therefore we ate them in the Fanciest Hotel Room Ever instead, and it was delicious. At night we went out late and just walked around. Montreal is a pretty walkable city, and it wasn't too cold, so it was really nice to just wander. I also posed as a Very Large Fish-Like Woman In Front of A Fountain Statue at one point. I thought it would be funny but later when I saw the pictures, it was ... a little dismaying. Oh wells. On Saturday, we fulfilled MY goals for the trip: eating. One of Montreal's famous foods is their bagels, which are supposed to rival NY bagels. We went to St-Viateur, a famous bagel shop where alas our inability to read or speak French led to us getting bagel platters with ... pasta and artichoke salad (I was going for something more breakfast-y). Still tasty, though. I must admit that I side with the Canadians on the bagel issue ... I think theirs are better than NY bagels. I'm sorry. I know. I'm a traitor. Above is my bagel, with cream cheese, really nicely smoked salmon, and capers .... mmm. Canadian bagels are a little smaller than their NY counterparts, and are lighter (less dense) and a little less chewy. They're also slightly sweet -- the dough is soaked in honey-water before it's rolled out and cooked. The second part of my set of goals was to eat poutine, a Quebec speciality for late night drinkers and hangovers. Or, for me, for four-o-clock-in-the-afternooners. Poutine is a dish of thick-cut steak fries smothered in gravy and cheese curds. We went to La Belle Province, a fast-food-y chain restaurant, to get ours. Canadians swear LBP's poutine is the most authentic and like the original hearty peasant version, though you can get them all fancied-up with foie gras or whatever at other places around town. They were pretty damtasty. Haines says that in Jersey you can get this dish too, but it's called "disco fries." Jersey is weird. Oh, and those hot dogs next to the poutine are called "steamies" because they're steamed instead of roasted or grilled. This is also a specialty in Quebec. Montreal also has this enormous underground complex called the Underground City -- it's (very seriously) miles of connected underground shopping, hotels, restaurants, etc. We spent a few hours wandering around in it, but there were a lot of shoppers and it got a bit overwhelming, so we didn't do any buying. However, we did come to realize that there was an entrance to the Underground literally 50 feet from our hotel. Would have been smart if we'd realized that earlier, instead of wandering around in the cold ... whoops. On Saturday night, we had our fancy-pants dinner, where we dressed up and I have no pictures because I am the WORST PHOTOGRAPHER EVER and basically forgot to take any besides the food. The food shots aren't very good either since I was kind of embarrassed that I was taking them in this uber cosmopolitan city, and so I'd whip out the camera, aim in the general direction, and take a single pic really fast. Anyway the pix don't do the food justice. We went to a restaurant called Leméac and had an amaaaaazing pan-seared foie gras for an appetizer. Haines had filet mignon with bone-marrow butter (YES BONE MARROW BUTTER *DROOL*) as his entree, and I had some perfectly roasted duck breast. We also ate this incredible, enormous caramel french-toast dessert which I also did not take a picture of, but believe you me, it was good. Sunday, alas, was our last day, but we still managed to get some good stuff (*cough* food) in. We went to Schwartz's, a famous Katz's-like deli for smoked meat sandwiches on rye, fries, and pickles. They turn over the tables really fast there, but nonetheless there was a line waiting for seats the whole time we were there. Understandably: those sandwiches were pretttty dang good. I've only been to Katz's that once when we were all in college, but I don't remember being that impressed; I might need to go again to compare. These were really tender and moist. Mmm. (I have about 10,000 pictures of Haines mid-bite. I really should give him time to compose his face. Tee hee.) Then we walked around the street, which turned out to be the antique district, I think. We went into this cute store called Kitsch 'n Things, and bought Canadian souvenirs, i.e., I bought a beer glass with Canadian Molson on it, and Haines got ... vintage cups celebrating the moon landing. OK, whatever, it says Montreal to me. We stopped by the Jean-Talon market on our way out of the city to pick up some more pate, bread, and sausage to take home, as well as some plums and radishes. (We both promptly devoured these at home, each by ourselves.) Basically it was a great trip. We saw a few famous sights, ate delicious food, and went to the markets, but we really took it slowly and just chilled and relaxed the whole time. I want to go back in the spring and eat a picnic lunch in the park. Hurrah for Canada!

What I'm Craving Now

What? What's that? Updates on big life changes--trip to a foreign country, boyfriend, grad school applications? Oh, sirrah, you jest. I prefer to spend my precious blog posting time on such superficial things as Stuff I Want and Can't Afford.

Exhibit A: Leather Biker Jacket.

I've literally never felt the urge to get a leather jacket before, but for some reason I'm suddenly really covetous of them. I like this one on the model a lot, but when I went to look at it, it turned out to be faux leather. And if I'm gonna look like a heartless baby sheep-killer, it might as well be real lambskin on my back.

I like this one, too. The pic looks a little bit like the model just dug this out of a closet and snapped a picture in her garage or something, perhaps as a prelude to selling it on eBay, but the close-ups of the leather are nice. It's $125, on sale at Overstock.com.

Exhibit B: Green, One-shoulder Georgette Dress.

Again, I'm not sure why but I'm really into one-shoulder dresses right now, despite the fact that they're pretty Occasion-with-a-capital-O-y. I thought about getting one for Jo's wedding but my beauteous yellow eyelet lace dress was preferable, squee, though I'm still in debt for it. Note to self: must wear that again to bring down price-per-wear.

Anyway. Wouldn't this green one-shoulder with a ruffle look great over black tights and sort-of chunky black high heels? Perhaps with a belt and a long, Joan-from-Mad-Men style necklace? $45 at Overstock.

Exhibit C: Stainless Steel, Blue-and-Goldtone Nautica Chronograph Watch.

I really need a watch. I've been needing one since I started my current job, oh, almost 2 years ago. As it is I run meetings by surreptitiously checking my cell phone, which sort of makes it look like I'm trying to text someone. Awesome.

Anyway, this will not be the watch I'm getting. While I think it's quite lovely in a structured, masculine way, I probably need something more ... basic. Like straight-up silver or gold. This is $120 (from $290) at Overstock. It also comes in black and white (... which I'm considering slightly more seriously) for $105 (from $210).

Exhibit D: Vintage Tourmaline & Diamond Ring.

Yeah ... this one is a total nonessential. But recently I've been getting into vintage or vintage-styled jewelry, where the settings and cuts seem a little more old-school (like rose-cut diamonds? Love them). Plus I've always loved big statement rings.

I like that the stone in this ring is a tourmaline, too, and the slightly watery color it has. I feel like emeralds are either deeper and more vivid (the good-quality ones), or paler and cloudier (poorer quality). This has the paler color I like, but retains the gem's clarity. And don't you think it would be a kind of fun engagement ring? (NOT THAT I AM THINKING ABOUT THAT SO DON'T EVEN GO THERE IN COMMENTS, for real y'all, I'm really not, because I'm not effing insane.) I think I always see vintage rings with a large center stone and associate them with antique engagement rings, since in the old days (pre-de Beers) an engagement ring was any kind of gem, not just a diamond. I always remember how in the Little House on the Prairie books, Laura's engagement ring from Almanzo was a small gold band, set with a garnet surrounded by two little pearls. She wore it on her index finger ... so basically it was a cocktail ring, haha.

I also always think that the only time I'm likely to receive/purchase a piece of jewelry with a big, expensive stone is when/if I ever get engaged ... hence when I see big rings I covet, I'm all "engagement ring!" Anyway. Protesting too much? I realize it looks like it could be paste, but it's real, and $2,000 at Overstock's estate jewelry site.

In my ideal world I would buy all of these items and possibly wear them all at once (dress + tights + heels + biker jacket = win!), probably minus the watch, but instead I'm going to buy myself ... applications to law school! Awesome. And just as durable, I'm sure.

Birthday Gift

With my $200, should I "buy" myself: a) a nice watch (timekeeping = important) b) a professional bra fitting and 1 or 2 bras (good support = everyday value) c) a higher loan payment (reducing debt = future happiness) Best value?

Sigh.

Should I retake the LSAT?

Wakes in the Sea

Caminante, son tus huellas el camino, y nada más; caminante, no hay camino, se hace camino al andar. Al andar se hace camino, y al volver la vista atrás se ve la senda que nunca se ha de pisar. Caminante, no hay camino, sino estelas en la mar. * * * Traveler, your footprints are the path, and nothing more; traveler, there is no path, the path is made by walking. By walking the path is made, and in looking behind you see a path you will never walk again. Traveler, there is no path, only wakes in the sea. XXIV from Campos de Castilla - Antonio Machado, 1912

Taking the LSAT is Like Going Through Airport Security, Except that They Actually Enforce Regulations

From the Law School Admission Council's emailed instructions about the test day: "You are allowed to bring into the test center only a clear plastic zip lock bag (maximum size one gallon/3.79 liter) containing ONLY the following items: LSAT Admission Ticket stub, valid ID, wallet, keys, hygiene/medical products, #2 or HB pencils, (NO mechanical pencils), erasers, pencil sharpener, highlighter, tissues, beverage in a plastic container or juice box (20 oz./591 ml. maximum size), and a snack (for break only). The only timing device that test takers are allowed to have in their possession at LSAT test centers is an analog wristwatch. " Guess I need to go to CVS and pick up some one-gallon ziplocks.

This Weekend

I think I need to go spend a bunch of recuperative hours in the YA section of a bookstore. I have the feeling that only good new YA can soothe the tattered edges of my ravanged psyche from this week. ... what? what's that you say? I have a major test on Monday, which I am unprepared for? PSHAW, I say to you: PSHAW. Get your priorities straight.

The Real World

One of the things I miss most about college/school is how nothing really mattered. I mean, yes, failing your exam or effing up your lab experiment would matter in that your grade would drop, and you might later not get, I dunno, the GPA or grad school or job offer you were hoping for ... but at the same time, it's all fake. It's all scores and rankings created in an artificial environment, and if things go awry it's not actually going to hurt anything or cost anyone. It doesn't hold any immediate-effect weight in the real world. All this is a long way of saying: when someone screws up in the working world, there can be actual, tangible results which cost the company money and can have a real-world impact on the company's profit margin/ability to stay competitive in business/your job. And all of that was the long way of saying: fuck-ups at the office recently, some of which were not mine but are technically under my purview, equals sick, sick feeling in the pit of stomach and a longing for the days of impact-free "work." I.E., my week.

Love, Sweet Love

... It's the only thing there's just too little of. More pix and recap TK.

Materialism

As is evident from recent posts, I am on a materialism kick. Although that's inaccurate, because it implies that at other times I am not a materialist, which is patently untrue. Basically even when I have no money at all, I still window-shop online all the freaking time. Whatever, I paid off my credit card debt, I'm over feeling guilt about it. Anyway I kind of need to get a watch, though "need" is a flexibly-used word in the sentence. I like these: Though they might not be the most, um, practical "watches" I cuold be choosing. There are sure a lot of air quotes in this post.

Ok, I am woman enough to admit when I am wrong ...

... and I was wrong about the following:

1) Skinny jeans. Yes, yes, two or three years ago I did say they are flattering to absolutely no one who doesn't have legs the length of Agness Deyn's ... but now I admit they are cute. And we all have them. And nothing has changed, they still probably look short and dumpy on me, but I may try to wear a pair on Saturday anyway, despite being 5'4". FINE.

Leighton Meester, I wish I was you. Weird name and all.

2. Platform heels. I still maintain that some of them make you look like a hooker. See exhibit A:

I'm sorry, I just can't get on board this $120.00 BCBG train.

However, these:

These, I covet deeply (... and might purchase, though actually I was looking for a less formal pair. Something with a wooden heel and brown leather, maybe?). And these:

... well, these are more or less art. ($700-per-pair art, yes, but whatevs. Someday I will own you from eBay.) 3. ... Sob ... i can hardly bring myself to say it ... PEGGED JEANS. (i'm so ashamed.) Ok, LOOK. I honestly don't even really know when pegged jeans were last in, because whenever it was, I wasn't paying attention to fashion. I was nerdy. A little, fashionless, nerdy, ugly girl. So when I first heard discontented rumblings that pegged jeans were making reappearances, this is what I saw and thus thought of:

C'mon, guys. That's bad. It's just bad. I get the comfy, slouchy boyfriend thing, but Katie Holmes is like 5'10" and even she manages to look dumpy and scrubby in these. Right? So it's understandable that I was like OMG NO DO NOT BRING BACK PEGGED JEANS (from, uh, whenever they were. The 80s, I presume? Everything ugly was big in the 80s). But recently, searching the Steve Madden site (for platform heels. I already admitted I was wrong, okay?) and came across a lovely spread of The New Shoes that I apparently Have To Wear With This Season's Pegged Jeans Trend!!, and they were .... cute. They were all pretty cute. Of course the jeans were slimmer and not uber-distressed, and the cuffs were rolled a little higher so you can see a bit of calf, which I think is pretty.

Unfortunately I can't find this spread on the Madden site anymore, but these are a little more like it:

These are still a little strangely baggy in the crotch/waist and I am anti-ripping, but I like that you can see a tad more ankle and calf, and with a heel I think that can be pretty. So OK. Basically I'm just prepping you to say that I might roll some of my jeans this summer, MAYBE. (p.s. I have pair that I 'cuff' because they're too long to wear with flats, but I don't consider that rolling, just laziness/miserliness as I refuse to buy another pair with inseams of the correct length.) And to round it off, current trends I love: 1. Maxidresses. Thank you, gods of fashion, for bringing this comfy clothing option back into play. The printed maxi below is like 14 kinds of cute, and brings the ability to pretend I'm comfortable in revealing, summery clothes while not actually revealing anything at all. Woo hoo! 2. Flats. Praise the gods. I love a heel as much as the next girl but it is nice to know that I can give my feet a break while not diving into frumpy-mom territory. These are cute, right? Nothing special but sweet and easy. 3. Metallics. In moderation, I do so love a good metallic--a shoe, clutch, or belt in a gold or bronze is just super pretty, and pretty safe. It's easier to get in trouble with larger swathes of metallic, but I have also seen some gorgeous minidresses, tunics, and shifts in dull or muted metallics that make me drool. (No pic, it's making my post all wonky when I try to import one.) However, I will never get on board with these trends: 1. Super, super distressed jeans. Or anything with paint flecks. Seriously, why would I pay to look like I'e owned clothes for 4 years and painted my house in them? 2. Shoulder pads. Please no. 3. Those ridiculous peep-toe boots that came out last fall, and current their summer inverse: sandals with, like, random extra fabric wrapped around the ankle. See leftmost picture for what I think of as caveman sandals, because they sort of look like a caveman would wear them, or, you know, someone else who was no access to civilization and/or the tools one would use to create aesthetically-pleasing clothing. See the middle and right for two particularly egregious examples of peep-toe boots: a hideous, part-Timberlands, part-gladiator, all-ugly high-heeled boot/sandal/thing; and a pair of $800 Sigerson Morrison leather "riding boots" that look like vomit. Seriously, WTF? What on earth are these good for?

Does Not Compute.

Premise 1: Many men exist who would like to meet a girl who is both not horrendously ugly and who wants to see the new Star Trek movie. Premise 2: I am a girl who wants to see the new ST movie. Premise 3: I am not run-for-the-hills-screaming ugly. I brush my teeth and shower not infrequently, even. Statement of fact: I cannot find a single man to take me to see the new ST movie. ... Can someone please explain where this argument derailed?

Foods I Couldn't Do Without

... when on a diet. As I unfortunately am. And need to be, apparently forever. Salmon No-sugar Jello pudding cups Laughing Cow Light Cheese Fage yogurt <-- zomg DELICIOUS Frozen veggies, neatly bagged and easy to nuke Lentils and all forms of lentil soup Eggs & Egg Beaters egg-whites Chickpeas Brussels sprouts Sugar-free jam Cannelloni beans Arnold's Multigrain Sandwich "Thins" (like a very thin English muffin. The important part is you can get bread on the bottom and top which makes it taste like real food, but it's but 100 cal total) SEASONINGS. So important. Season-all, black pepper, chili flakes, chili pepper, lemon-pepper, etc. Turkey meats of all kinds (bacon, ground, sausage) Diet soda Skinny lattes from Starbucks (90 cal, people. 90. Cal.) ... too bad I'm hungry right now, just thinking of this deliciousness. Sorry, this is a terrible post. If I'd spent as much time thinking about, like, work as I have food over the last 87 days I've been on this diet (yes: I am counting) I probably could have cured cancer or something by now.

Awesome!

Robopenguins! ... And FLYING robopenguins! Simultaneously creepy and cool. I want one. http://brightcove.newscientist.com/services/player/bcpid2227271001?bctid=20358143001

Three Weekends Ago In SF

Last weekend, scratch that, 3 weekends ago, I went out to SF to visit my brother, who is living there for several months as part of his Best Government Job Evah, and my mother and aunt. My cousin Makeda lives in SF now too, and my mom was on her spring break, so it was an ideal time to get together. I had a lot of fun and was glad to see SF, although (as I've articulated to a number of you) my trip home was so insanely hellish that I wish never to think of it again. Dulles International Airport, I have now spent more time with you than ... well, than I really ever wish to again. Anyway! Some pix. This is my mom, me, my aunt, and my cousin at the office of my cousin's elementary school in Santa Clara, where she's a first-year 3rd grade teacher. The school is ... super Californian, i.e., it seems to be very concerned with, you know, emotional development and teaching kids about themselves and other people, and extremely not into things like grades, or a set curriculum. I confess that, while somewhat in touch with my liberal side, I tend to be a little more, um, old-school when it comes to stuff like this. Then we went to In 'N Out. Delicious! After that, we went into SF and went to Chinatown, natch. Here's me and mom, and another of your typical tourist-Chinatown street. One of SF's famous cable cars. Jarrett explained to us the next day how trolleys, cable cars, and street cars differ -- SF has streetcars which run off electricity pulled from cables running above the street, but which have tires and no set tracks. It also has several actual trolleys that similarly pull electricity from the overhead cable, but ALSO run on actual trolley tracks (this is what a SEPTA trolley does). Apparently the term trolley can mean different things in different places. However, SF's is, I think, the last/the only US place with an actual cable car still in use. With cable cars, there's a cable running under the street itself that's always moving. The car is on tracks above it, and the conductor literally grabs the moving cable (uh with part of the car, obvs) and the car is hauled along as the cable moves. To stop, he just presses the button to let go. After this, we walked from Chinatown to the Fisherman's Wharf, and everybody was cranky because apparently people who don't walk as much as NYers get cranky about walking as much as NYers. Oops. I told them it was a long walk ... At Fisherman's Wharf is the famous Ghirardelli factory. I am saddened to tell you that this trip, right then, was when I finally admitted after 25 years that my mother does not know how to pronounce Ghirardelli, and thus I have been pronouncing it wrong this whole time too. And I do mean this whole time; I remember knowing what Ghirardelli and Godiva were at a pretty young age since my mom was sort of a chocolate snob (she was always like "oh, Hershey, I'd rather eat chalk" and I'm like "did they even have chocolate in hong kong when you were growing up?"). Anyway I feel like I only hear the word pronounced aloud like once every year, and for some reason for the last 8 or so I've just been ... ignoring the gathering evidence that both my mom and myself were making fools of ourselves. Oh well. It's delicious either way. The next day we went down to Monterey Bay, which is a few hours south of SF, on the coast. I'm not posting too many pix bc ... that's boring and takes forever, but here are a few. This is of the wharf near the Monterey Bay Aquarium, which is pretty famous (though not exactly inexpensive). The aquarium itself was really good, though. They had pretty wide-ranging, well-designed, and informative exhibits, many of which were also startlingly beautiful. Consider these strangely luminous, orange-streaked jellyfish: Or the gorgeous way the sunlight filters through this kelp forest. The kelp forest was very large and had a huge variety of fish. My camera is a point-and-shoot and couldn't adequately capture how a school of fish would dart by in a streak of silver light. It was every cliche you'd expect -- tranquil, beautiful, etc -- but cliches are cliches for a reason, I guess. We drove farther down the Monterey coast. This is the beginning of Big Sur, an area sixty miles long down the coast, characterized by its plunging cliffs and colorful hills. It reminded me of the heath/moor on the coast of Ireland. The next day, we crossed the Golden Gate Bridge (back up in SF, going across the bay) ... ... towards Muir Beach, where there were many happy doggies running in the surf, and Muir Woods. We only got to stay in Muir Woods for 45 minutes (on the dot, because there is absolutely no parking there and my brother ended up staying the car and essentially just driving around the mountain while he waited for us), but it was pretty cool. I'd love to go back and hike some of the paths; in 45 minutes, you can basically only go down the 30-min tourist loop (esp if you are dragging a mom and aunt). The trees, they iz big. The people, they iz little. Lastly, we went to Sausalito, a 'quaint' (read: once local, now touristy) town next to the water across the bay from SF. We had a delicious dinner and I had a lovely beer. Mmm. This is a pic of SF from Sausalito. It ... didn't come out well. Sorry. Anyway, it was fun, but I really want to go back and make a proper coastal trip of it with my two HS friends this summer when we're in LA for my other friend Karen's wedding. We're not sure it will work out, but I hope so! OK that's all. To come, hopefully soon: some NY pictures!

Ho Hum. Random List.

I've been really busy lately with work and classes and just ... stuff. People coming into town, or random deadlines that have to be met for random projects and stuff I've agreed to do. And generally speaking, all of these are things I really want to do, or people I want to see or be able to help out with, but it's definitely been a sprint the last few months. I feel like it'll be crazy up until June, when I take the LSAT, simply because so much of my free time is now dedicated to LSAT stuff by necessity. But I still intend to make the most of the upcoming year. So lately I've been thinking about a few things that I'd like to ... be/change/do this year. (That sounds strange, but I can't quite think how to word this.) Basically, there are some things I wish were different about myself, and in the tradition of Jo's "Everything Will Change At A Completely Arbitrary Point In Time" way of thinking, I've decided there's no arbitrary time like the present one to start trying to be the person I'd like to be. 1) Love New York more. The past week the weather has been pretty nice, and I've been trying to walk around the city more and take pictures and stuff. (Although in practice basically this means I wandered through NY on Friday night at 1 am, in heels, and now my feet hurt.) I'm always so focused on getting somewhere, and had never wanted to be one of those people who stops on Broadway and whips out their camera or cranes their neck to look around ... but I realized I've lived here almost 4 years, and it's only now that I'm starting to feel like it's my city or my home. I guess I've never thought of NY with any permanence, and since we moved so much as a kid I was used to thinking of "home" as just the place where you happen to live. I've never felt particular emotional attachment for a physical home, much less a location; Philly's probably been the strongest til now, and even that had an inherently transitory feel to it. I'd like to, you know, know and love my city a little more. This summer I want to try to see more of Brooklyn and Queens, too. 2) Wear cute dresses and summer clothes. Eh, I guess this comes down to a "like my body and be less ashamed" of it kind of thing. It can be kind of hard when you live in a city where the standards are so high and unforgiving, and there are so many exquisitely-dressed people around. But I'd like to stop feeling like I'm just suffering through summers and doing the minimum to look presentable, which means I need to just get over my scar issues and my body type issues and all that other BS. (Although, I mean, also losing 9 million pounds is part of this goal. I am sure that will help.) 3) Be more creative. I'm always talking about wishing I could write more or whatever. I'm going to try to just ... do it, and make the time. Write more stories. Submit stuff, maybe. 4) Say yes to everything. Um, don't get me wrong, but you know what I mean here. I'm always so cautious about life and people, and I don't want to regret missing opportunities, or not living life fully, just because I was scared of looking gauche or feeling awkward or possibly embarrassing myself. So invite me to do stuff. I'll try to say yes.

A Physics

Heather McHugh When you get down to it, Earth has our own great ranges of feeling--Rocky, Smoky, Blue-- and a heart that can melt stones. The still pools fill the sky, as if aloof, and we have eyes for all of this--and more, for Earth's reminding moon. We too are ruled by such attractions--spun and swaddled, rocked and lent a light. We run our clocks on wheels, our trains on time. But all the while we want to love each other endlessly--not only for a hundred years, not only six feet up and down. We want the suns and moons of silver in ourselves, not only counted coins in a cup. The whole idea of love was not to fall. And neither was the whole idea of God. We put him well above ourselves, because we meant, in time, to measure up.

But ...

... this one's still my favorite. SQUEEE! *strokes buttery soft leather on bed next to me* Many hearts, guys.

Gorgeous.

Isn't this the prettiest thing you've ever seen? Too bad it's YSL, and $850.00 (although that is down from $1,400.00). Oh, where is my sugar daddy?